A lot has happened since Tommy told me to go away, back in February. A brief fling with George (another Cajun — what is it with me & Cajun guys anyway?!?) paved the way for me to open myself to men other than Tommy — & out of the blue, along comes Bob — a former Virginia Tech quarterback, now NFL scout, who blew into my life like a hurricane & seems perfect in every way: romantic, sensitive, thoughtful, caring. Says he's playing for keeps.

On this note I sent Tommy a really lovely email saying, in part, "Well, your wish has come true, in part anyway — that I go away. There comes a time when a person can no longer be the only one giving, can no longer beg & grovel, can no longer take the emotional & verbal abuse. Though I will always love you, I really don't like you very much anymore. Having decided, the day after you said you didn't need or want me, that I had to move on, I have indeed done just that. I am with someone else now, & it's serious. Please don't close yourself off to love, as I believe you're doing. There is nothing more wonderful, magical, precious. But it has to go both ways, & you just aren't willing to give unless it's convenient. Don't live the rest of your life alone. Open your heart — allow yourself to be happy. Go find love & be true to it. We only go around once, after all... And I am still here for you, despite everything that's transpired. That, Tommy, is love — pure & true. Unconditional..."

He called the very next day & wished me well, said he loves me & just wants me to be happy. But at least he seems to have taken my words to heart — is once again talking to me in tender, gentle tones & communicating on that lost, intimate level. He's trying, it seems, to make amends in his own time, own way (I knew it was drink talking when he said those horrible things, & that pride & his innate Cajun stubborness were stopping him from apologizing)... So at least my note spurred him into some type of action — made him realize it is, indeed, possible to lose me forever...

Now it appears as though I have two loves & I don't know which direction to go. Well, providing Tommy is back, Fate & my heart will eventually lead me to the right decision. I'm not in a desperate hurry — need to make sure I make the right choice, for it's one I'll have to live with for a long, long time...

Archives
06.25.2006 — My best friend...
06.16.2006 — Her 50 is the new 30?!?...
06.09.2006 — Laughing my ass off...
05.31.2006 — The quarterback, the linebacker...& me....
03.15.2006 — Farewell, dear Maxie...
12.31.2005 — Adios & farewell, '05...
07.03.2005 — I'll be seeing you...
06.26.2005 — He had me from 'hello'...
05.30.2005 — New York City Grrls...
05.18.2005 — The blog that started it all...
Love's Illusions — poetic musings from the past...