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05.02.06 — Dianna, fuck, I'm bald!!!
It all started back in early March when my friend Dianna — a hair
stylist by profession — asked if I wanted something really exciting
done with my hair. Well, stupid question — of course I did! Years of
coloring & perming had taken their toll, & I've not been able
to regrow the lucious hair of my youth for a long, long time. She'd
just learned how to do hair extensions & asked me to be her guinea
pig. I dashed over like I'd been shot out of a cannon. The result was gorgeous — long, thick, wavy, auburn locks
cascaded over my shoulders & down my back. 'You look like a beauty
queen!' her 7-year-old, Jonathan, told me enthusiastically. And I did...
I
thus went in to work on Monday, expecting all kinds of prying questions
about how my hair had grown 6 inches over the weekend, but there were
none — just comments about how gorgeous I looked. So I just basked in
the compliments, shaking my mane for affect. A few regluing of key pieces aside, there were no problems.
Not until we ran out of the glue she'd gotten from her supplier & I
ran over to Sally's Beauty Supply to buy a new bottle so she could fix
a few falling pieces prior to my upcoming trip to New Orleans (&
the subsequent 'fix-up' upon my return — sex wreaks havoc on glued extensions, FYI)...
Again, all went well. What I never counted on as the enemy, however,
was the sun. Five or so days after a trip to the beach quite a few
of the extensions had loosened up, so I called Dianna & asked
if she could fix me up. As she started working, however, she sighed
— not a good sign. 'What's up?' I asked, almost fearfully.
'The glue's melted all over your scalp,' she told me softly. 'I
don't know how in the name of God we're ever going to get these
out...'
Several
excruciating hours later I went to use the bathroom & almost passed
out when I saw my reflection in the mirror. Where once had been full,
beautiful bangs was — an expanse of near baldness. Not just in front,
either, but also on the crown. The hair at the nape of my neck, which
had been about 8 inches long, was gone as well, save for stubble. Turns out the glue I'd purchased had a latex base (read: rubber)
that had melted in the sun & entangled itself with my real hair as
well as adhering unrelated pieces of extensions together. Devastated, I
retrieved an old wig from its hiding place & hid under it for 6
weeks, until Dianna felt safe enough to reglue new extensions to my
quite bare scalp... In the interim, I began looking into a law suit
against the glue manufacturer. Since there was no warning on the label,
the case looks rock solid... Well, I'm back to looking 'almost' gorgeous again, but it's going to take a long, long time for the ripped out hair to regrow, if ever. Remember the song 'What I Did for Love' from 'A Chorus Line'? Well, in my case, anyway, the words can easily be reworked to say 'What I Did for Looks'... Whatever, it sucks...
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